Annie Hall

Annie Hall

1977

Director: Woody Allen

Writer: Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman

93 Minutes

Originally, this film was called Anhedonia. It means the inability to feel pleasure, a philosophy Woody Allen related to most of his life.

Annie Hall is about relationships. It’s about love and loss and moving on.

“A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.”

It’s one of Woody Allen’s best included into a writer/director resume with such films as Match Point, Manhattan, and the recent Midnight in Paris.

In the scene above, Alvy (Woody Allen) talks with Annie (Diane Keaton) about photography. Much like a first date/encounter conversation, these two are talking about one subject, but thinking about another.

It’s all subtext, which Allen does brilliantly with subtitles.

When Annie says, “Aesthetic criteria? You mean whether is a good photo or not?” But, what she’s thinking is: I’m not smart enough for him. Hang in here.

Alvy replies, “The medium enters in as a condition of the art form itself. “ But he’s thinking is: I wonder what she looks like naked.

What we say and what we think are often two different ideas when talking with the opposite sex. We want to appear interesting. We want to appear desirable, yet we are often neither. And when conversation is pouring out of us, we often wonder what the other person is thinking, how the other person feels, or what that person looks like naked.

And Allen’s stroke of genius placing subtitles in the form of thoughts is why we love this scene.

We all have been there. And we can all relate. And no one does it better than Woody Allen.

This film, its theme, and its message cannot be explained by one scene. It’s a collection of instances and stories and ideas and feelings that make this a great film. It’s heartbreaking and cute and fun and true.

And that's why it won four Academy Awards.

But in the end, Allen leaves with you a quote about relationships that rings true for everyone who has ever loved and lost and moved on:

“After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs.”

Anhedonia means the inability to feel pleasure. But, Mr. Allen has pleased hundreds of millions of people with his films.

And he continues today.

Conversations with Other Women

Conversations with Other Women

Director: Hans Canosa

Writer: Gabirelle Zevin

84 Minutes

Two lovers who can’t be together.

We have seen this a hundred times before in every romantic film from Casablanca to Brokeback Mountain. When you have loved and lost and reunited with love, it always makes for an interesting story.

In Conversations with Other Women, they do it a little differently. They use a split screen between the two characters, interweaving dialog with past memories, and different actions each character could take.

In the end, there is love. But it’s lost love, love that cannot be had, and love that will never see the light of day.

They have one night in a hotel room.

In the scene above, Man (Aaron Eckhart) listens in on Woman’s (Helena Bonham Carter) phone conversation to her husband. Man also has a girlfriend, but she doesn’t seem much concern. Man listens in, trying to find moments of love in the conversation, but secretly searching for why their relationship failed.

He loves her. He admits it. He wants to make it work. He loved her in the past. He loves her today. He sees their future together, though it will never happen.

Her love has gone away. It’s the past. And though they have one night of romance, discussing where their lives had gone, and reliving memories of love, reality catches up and she knows their lives go in separate directions.

It’s a real movie, which could explain why so many of us haven’t seen it. The film’s theme discusses the fundamental truth of loving and losing and reuniting and ending.

This is the ending.

It could have been a second chance, but life has pasted them by. Perhaps both man and woman’s past relationship would have ended up in the same place their current relationships lye. Perhaps it would have worked out better. Perhaps worse.

But we’ll never know. These two have one night to let it out, explain their truths, and leave it on the table.

He loves her. She doesn’t love him. Or if she does love him, she settles for life without him.

When the morning comes, all they have is an empty seat in the back of a taxi and a plane to catch.

But there is a moment:

Man: Why did you come, really?
Woman: Do you want me to say I was hoping I'd see you?
Man: Yes and I want you to mean it.
Woman: You're so romantic...
Man: By romantic, you mean old fashioned?
Woman: No, by romantic, I mean romantic.

Like I said, two lovers who can’t be together. We’ve seen it a hundred times before, yet it's always going to make for an interesting story.

SKS

The Replacements

The Replacements

2000

Director: Howard Deutch

Writer: Vince McKewin

118 Minutes

In 1987, the National Football League used replacement players for weeks four, five, and six of the regular season. In week seven, veteran players crossed the line and the replacement players were let go once again. But for one night, they were heroes.

Shane Falco is a hero.

In the film The Replacements, Jimmy McGinty (Gene Hackman) is the coach of the Washington Sentinels. When his veteran players strike, McGinty hires replacement players lead by former Ohio State Quarterback Shane Falco (Keanu Reeves).

Simple. High concept. Fun.

But, there was heart to this film. There was meaning. It was a film for everyone that ever played sports and longed for their one-time shot to play again. It was a film for sports fans that wish their favorite players would play with heart instead of playing for their wallets. And it was a film for anyone who’s been apart of a great team that came to an end.

The film stars Reeves, Hackman, Orlando Jones, Jon Favreau, Rhys Lfans, and John Madden.

In the scene above, the replacement players are told the veteran players have crossed and tonight is their last night playing in the NFL. The team is down 14 to 17, with the ball, late in the forth quarter. And they have Shane Falco, who dressed during half time when their starting quarterback didn’t have enough heart.

Shane huddles the team up and says, “I know you’re tired. I know you’re hurting. I wish I could say something that was classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn’t be our style.”

He follows with this, “…Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever.”

When you know it’s over, that’s all you need to hear. It means whatever you have left should be left on the field. There is no tomorrow. There is only tonight. And tonight, we can be heroes.

This is why we love films like The Replacement and Varsity Blues. These are films of heroics. They aren't advancing on a beachhead or flying in an A-10 warthog, but they are heroes because they stand up for what they believe in and leave it all on the field.

And when given a second chance, none of them wasted it.

In the time of salary caps, lockouts, and bonuses, we need films like these to remind us how great sports can be and how at the heart of each game, there are heroes. It's not about the money. It's not about cars, houses, and girls. It's about football. And Shane Falco let them know that.

Like I said, he is a hero.

McGinty says it best, “When the Washington Sentinels left the stadium that day, there was no tickertape parade, no endorsement deals for sneakers or soda pop or breakfast cereal. Just a locker to be cleaned out and a ride home to catch. But what they didn't know, was that their lives had been changed forever because they had been part of something great. And greatness, no matter how brief, stays with a man. Every athlete dreams of a second chance, these men lived it.”

In the end, glory lasts forever.

The Departed

The Departed

2006

Director: Martin Scorsese

Writer: William Monahan, Alan Mak, and Felix Chong

151 Minutes

In 1991, there was uproar in the film community about Martin Scorsese losing “Best Director” and “Best Picture” to Kevin Costner for Dances with Wolves. Scorsese admitted that Dances with Wolves was more academy appropriate, but he would continue to make films.

Fifteen years later, Scorsese took home his first Academy Award for “Best Director – The Departed.” He has had a great career full of blockbusters, presidential assignations, and a bit on Curb Your enthusiasm.

He never needed an Oscar, but it was well deserved.

The Departed is about the corruption within the Massachusetts State Police and organized crime in the city of Boston. The cast of characters includes DiCapiro, Damon, Nicholson, Wahlberg, Sheen, Baldwin, and the ever-so-sexy Vera Farminga. It was a remake from the 2002 film Infernal Affairs, which their rights were purchased for just under two million dollars.

The Departed went on to gross 289 million dollars worldwide, receiving four Oscars, and had a body count of 22 people.

Not bad, Mr. Scorsese.

In the scene above, Colin Sullivan (Matt Damon) shoots Barrigan (James Badge Dale) in the head after Barrigan shot both Brown (Anthony Anderson) and Billy (Leonardo DiCaprio). It’s shit show. It’s a blood bath. It’s what wins Oscars.

Everyone dies. Everyone should die. No one is good. Everyone is corrupt. Thus, everyone dies.

But the reason why this scene is important is because you know why everyone is killed. They all had reasons. Barrigan was working for Costello (Jack Nicholson), thus he shoots Billy. Brown walked into a murder scene that had an infinite amount of questions, thus Barrigan shoots him. Sullivan shoots Barrigan because if there are no witnesses, there would be only one story to tell.

And Billy was shot because we weren’t expecting it. BOOM. I mean, who shoots Leonardo DiCaprio in the face?

Martin Scorsese does.

But it was exciting. It was a fun. And it was an entertaining film. It was jammed packed with celebrities, brilliant writing, and great direction. This film came together perfectly, which is why it received not only the Academies approval, but the box office as well.

And Mr. Scorsese, it was a long fifteen years for one of the most celebrated directors in history to gain his prize. Bravo, sir.

In the end, I leave you with this:

“When you decide to be something, you can be it. That's what they don't tell you in the church. When I was your age they would say we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I'm saying to you is this: when you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?” – Frank Costello

It’s true. What’s the difference.?

Love Actually

Love Actually

2003

Director: Richard Curtis

Writer: Richard Curtis

123 Minutes

First-time director Richard Curtis loves love. He is famous for writing such films as Bridget Jones’s Diary, Notting Hill, and Four Weddings and a Funeral. For his next project, Curtis took long walks on his vacation in Bali and would come up with a new story everyday.

Those stories eventually became Love Actually.

Love Actually has an ensemble cast, including Colin Firth, Liam Neeson, Emma Thompson, Keira Knightley, Hugh Grant, and Laura Linney, which their characters interact with each other revolving around the theme of love. You have forbidden love, erotic love, hopeless-romantic love, lost love, brotherly love, young love, etc.

Then Curtis added Christmas into the mix. It’s just…unfair.

Each of these characters has highs, lows, midpoints, low-points, and climatic scenes about love. But in the end, all they wanted for Christmas was you.

In the scene above, Sam (Thomas Sangster) has been in love with Joanna (Olivia Olson) for the entire film. It’s the reason he is not sad about his mother’s death. It’s the reason he learned to play drums. It’s the reason for living.

Though we haven’t met Joanna until this scene, we know she’s one in a million. When the lights dim on the Christmas pageant and the majority of characters are present in the audience, Joanna takes stage.

The opening to her song, which she sings a cappella, is breathtaking. The characters are stunned. The audience is stunned. But we now see why Sam loves his girl.

But it’s the song: All I Want For Christmas is You.

It’s the meaning of the film. It’s why we love this film. We all want to be with the ones we love at Christmas - whether it be friends, family, new lovers, old lovers, or someone you met that day as a naked body double on a film set.

Love and Christmas. Like I said, unfair.

In the end, there were so many moments in this film that you walk away saying, “…that was great.” It’s because Love Actually is a great film. You have Colin traveling to Wisconsin to find American girls. The Prime Minister kissing Natalie in front an entire audience. Mr. Bean. Billy Mack. Billy Bob. You have lovers learning languages. Candid shots of real people at Heathrow Airport. And you have a man standing in front of his love with nothing but written cards and false hope.

But there is love. In life, that might be all you need. And at Christmas, that’s all you want.

Fight Club

Fight Club

1999

Director: David Fincher

Screenplay: Jim Uhls

139 Minutes

Fight Club is a philosophical film. It holds wisdom far beyond our grandparent’s reach and sets a standard for humanity’s actions against itself.

But, it all started with Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt).

For the quotes, wisdom, philosophy placed within the actions and dialog of this film, it came at a time when people needed an escape. We bought our happiness. We paid our dues. And we were ants marching on a log heading closer to our ultimate demise. Then this film came out:

“Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is…”

And with it, Tyler changed lives. He inspired people to stand on the wall. And he gave meaning to hundreds of people that had no purpose. He was an alter-ago. He was a man’s man. And he was everything we wanted to be, then and now.

“All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.”

In the scene above, Tyler is discussing materialistic goods with the Narrator (Edward Norton). Tyler mentions, “The things you own end up owning you.” This then leads to Narrator’s apartment exploding. This leads to moving in with Tyler. And that leads to Fight Club.

But every second of this film is Tyler. We follow the Narrator, but Tyler is our hero. And heroes get the best dialog:

“You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.”

And

“It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.”

And

“Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing. Like the first monkey shot into space.”

And

“Self improvement is masturbation”

And finally:

“How much can you know yourself if you've never been in a fight?”

In the end, Fight Club is epic. It was an epic shooting schedule of 138 days with over 300 scenes shot on 200 locations. Director David Fincher, who is notorious for doing numerous takes, had Brad Pitt and Edward Nortan do 38 takes in Lou’s Bar after Narrator’s apartment blew up. And with a 71 million dollars budget, you get one of the greatest films in the history of cinema.

But the quote of the film, having no philosophical involvement, goes to Marla Singer (Helena Bonham Carter) during the pillow-talk scene.

The studio wanted to the original line “I want to have your abortion” cut, thus Fincher made a deal he would cut that line, but the replacement line couldn’t be cut.

Fox Studio’s agreed, thus Marla says, ‘I haven’t been fucking like since grade school.”

And she has Tyler to thank for it.

Coming to America

Coming to America

1988

Director: John Landis

Writers: David Sheffield and Barry Blaustein

116 Minutes

There is nothing better than Eddie Murphy walking around the streets of Queens singing Jackie Wilson's, “To Be Loved,” while the neighbors scream obscenities.

Or Eddie Murphy saying, “Good Morning, my neighbors,” while the neighbors scream obscenities. Or Eddie Murphy playing Saul, Randy Watson, Clarence screaming obscenities.

In short, this movie is Eddie Murphy. And we want him screaming obscenities.

Coming to America is about a young prince who rejects his chosen bride, ventures past his kingdom, and finds his Queen…in Queens, New York.

But there is heart to this familiar story. Prince Akeem wants a woman to love him for himself, not for money or fame. Thus, he disguises himself as an average person to find his queen. The elements from hundreds of great stories can be found laced within this romantic comedy.

And it’s brilliant.

In the scene above, Akeem works at a local fast-food restaurant called McDowell’s. When a hold-up man (Samuel L. Jackson) enters to rob the joint, everyone freezes. Everyone except Akeem. Slowly, Akeem loosens his mop handle, excuses himself, and approaches the hold-up man, and this is how it goes down:

It would be wise for you to put the weapon down.
Who the fuck is this asshole?
Please refrain from using any other obscenities in the presents of these people.
What?
I’ve warned you. I’ll be forced to thrash you.
Fuck you.

Akeem thrashes, trips him to the ground, while his friend and loyal subject Semmi (Arsenio Hall) grabs the shotgun and says, “Freeze! You disease rhinoceros’s pizzal.”

Akeem is a hero and only after jacking up Samuel L. Jackson does his Queen-to-Be notice him.

But this is why we go to movies. This is what movies used to be. They were fun. Fun dialog and obscenities. Fun thrashing. And two fun heroes.

In short, we want Eddie Murphy from the 1980’s.

Sadly, we are left with the Eddie Murphy in the 2000’s that brought us Norbit, Pluto Nash, and Doctor Dolittle. He got older. He had kids. And screaming obscenities doesn’t sell in the 2000’s like it did in the 1980’s.

But it should, GOD DAMMIT!

Coming to America is a film that should never be remade. It shouldn’t be studied in film classes, nor frowned upon by a rated-R rating.

It should be enjoyed. Eddie Murphy should be enjoyed. And bathing like the Prince of Zamunda should be enjoyed.

And while you're in the clapping mood, I'd like to introduce my band: Sexual Chocolate.